Jason Schenk

(Hope, if you are reading this, please understand I do not intend anything I say to be offensive. I love you. I am so sorry for your loss. You still will always be in my prayers) Its amazing the emotions you will go through when you loose someone. Last time I lost someone, was almost 5 years ago now, my cousin Daniel. That was pretty hard. You go through just about every emotion imaginable. I'm not a poet, nor am I a very good writer, but I'll explain it as best as I can. First its shock, and disbelief. Moments after, when reality hits you, it hits hard, like a wave of emotions. You feel a pit at the bottom of your stomach, and it stays there for a while. You feel complete sadness, and cannot control it, as hard as you may try. You cry, until you feel like you cant cry anymore, then you cry even more. And cry even more. Then, when you think you have everything under control, and have to face people. But you start to notice just little things that remind you of that person, makes you cry even more. You get teary. When someone asks just a normal every day question, such as, "Hey CB, how you doing today?" You can't control it, and you start to cry even more, and then having to explain why your crying. Its a good thing to take off the rest of the day, because you will not be able to control it. You'll also cry some more on your way home. It's difficult. Even if your surrounded by loved ones, and those who care about you, that's hard as well, to not cry. They will do their best to keep your mind distracted, and make you happy. They may do a pretty good job, but they cant take way how you are feeling, depressed. They may make you smile, but you still cry a little bit. You just feel numb. And cold. And its still hard to believe. Even though you know the truth, you don't want to believe it. Its hard to imagine. You feel anger and sorrow. You know that they are in a better place but you think quietly, still it wasn't their time. Its hard to tell people about it. You may get distracted for a little while and not think about it. But later that night when you crawl in bed, its all you think about it. I would suggest taking a sleeping pill at this point, it helps. The next day, you don't feel as depressed but you are still glum. You may have a little bit of composure, but not much. Especially, when the company has bought you some flowers. You'll feel loved and appreciated that your work cares so much for you, but just getting those make you cry. Hard thing is, when people ask what the flowers are for. They'll ask, "Oh, is it your birthday or a special occasion." I simply have learned to say its the opposite of what they think, and then you have to tell them why you received it. But, this will help you a bit, more you talk about it. Still hard to not tear up about it, but it becomes a bit easier every time you have to explain. I'm sorry to have my readers read all of this, but I feel better typing it out, and getting it off my chest. This is only the beginning of what I am feeling, and I'm sure its going to take a while to control my emotions. This post, is for one of my very good, and best friends. He struggled with Stage IV metastasized Melanoma. One tumor in his brain and 7 in his lungs. He received extensive full brain radiation. June 2010, they said that there was nothing else they could do, but He and his wonderful Wife, pushed on with other remedies, such as some surgeries, and natural supplements. He was an amazing fighter, and went through so much. His wife was by his side through every moment of this, and she too an amazing fighter. He passed away this last Wed, April 6Th 2011, around 4pm. Jason Schenk, I love you soo much. You have been a great friend, advisor, and supporter to me. You've been there for me through thick and thin. I met you at EFY, and ever since, you've been an amazing friend. I remember the time that you and Steve drove all the way from Logan, up to my house in Idaho Falls, then all the way back down to Farmington, to go to Lagoon on a group date. You won a plastic air filled bat, and gave that to me. You also won me a big purple and pink fuzzy hat. I remember poor Steve getting sick, and we had to take him back. You were amazing to drive me back to my Aunt Nancy's in Logan. The next morning my Aunt woke me up, and told me that you had slept the night over on her couch :} then you took me the rest of the way back to my house, then you went back home. I remember you giving me gifts, like the round tin can, that had cinnamon popuri, and that you had put money in there for me. I held onto that forever, and the money always smelt like cinnamon. I always got something from you, and it was fun. You taught me new words, like "yoink"(however you spell that I am not sure) and taught me that it means that I can take whatever I wanted, and was officially mine. Also taught me, "What happened? I blacked out". That was my favorite to say. Our jokes that we've had, and the things we've made up, I will never forget. I will never forget how many times you would drive up just to see me. I enjoyed your company, and having you around. I even remember when you met Hope, and how happy and excited you were. I was so happy for you and so proud. It was the first time I really truely saw you happy, and that made me happy. You have inspired me. I am extremely sad that you are gone now. I will forever miss you, but you will never be forgotten. I pray that you are by Hope's side when she is having a hard time, and that you will be there like my cousin was there for me when he passed away.